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Perfectionism, Shame, and Sudden Loss: A Therapist's Grief Journey with Megan Bruneau

"I think 10-year-old Megan had trouble really believing in herself... I didn't feel really hopeful or optimistic about adulthood, honestly."

In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Megan Bruneau, therapist, executive coach, Forbes contributor, and host of The Failure Factor podcast. Megan opens up about losing her mother, Barb, suddenly in April 2024, just three months before her wedding, while simultaneously navigating a cross-country move to Nashville and beginning IVF treatments.

What makes this conversation particularly powerful is hearing from someone who has spent nearly two decades helping others navigate pain, now facing her own acute grief. Megan shares how the protective emotions she carried while her mother was alive, like resentment and anxiety stemming from Barb's struggles with mental health and substance use, suddenly dissolved after her death, leaving only overwhelming love and guilt. She describes the last moments with her mother, feeding her before a seizure, and the five days in the hospital that followed.

Rebecca and Megan explore the concept of "intentional avoidance" in grief, challenging the therapeutic pressure to "feel everything all the time." Megan reveals how wedding planning became a necessary distraction, allowing her to put grief "on ice" until she was ready to face it. They discuss perfectionism as emotional avoidance, chronic shame versus acute shame, and why Megan believes therapy isn't always the first intervention for grief.

The conversation touches on complicated parent relationships, the process of integrating a loved one's wounded and healthy parts, and how both Rebecca and Megan share the unique Canadian-American dual citizenship perspective. Megan offers hard-won wisdom about trusting your body to only give you as much pain as you can handle, and finding community in unexpected places.

Join Rebecca and Megan for this conversation about navigating inevitable pain without creating unnecessary suffering.

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